took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
