..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
