it's like iHOP with fire
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
