she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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