just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
