He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im holly from the hills drunk
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
