Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
