and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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