he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He better not be in your backpack
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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