he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
