At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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