So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
