Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
