I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
