I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
