I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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