I smell stomach acid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Two words: blizzard sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
