check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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