My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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