Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
