i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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