i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
