I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
