You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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