Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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