Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
