I skipped work to stalk him.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
