so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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