I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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