Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
