Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
