whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
