Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
