not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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