So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
