I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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