You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
