i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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