Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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