no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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