My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize