I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
