how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
