Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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