This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
