Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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