Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
