apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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