You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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