you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
