you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
