homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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