Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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