I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
