found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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