Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
