i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
