She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
