I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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