its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
