I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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