Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sorry about my life...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
