Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
