Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize