Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
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