Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
