My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
